The wifi whisperer:a tale of betrayal

I’m basically a Wi-Fi whisperer at this point, wandering my house like a lost soul, holding my phone up to the ceiling as if I’m begging the internet gods for mercy. “Three bars, please, just give me three bars!” I chant, while my router blinks at me like it’s plotting my demise.

I’ve tried everything—restarting it, sweet-talking it, even threatening to switch to dial-up (empty threats, but still). Last night, I was mid-Netflix binge when the Wi-Fi decided to ghost me. Full bars one second, nothing the next. I ended up crouched in the corner of my kitchen, balancing on a chair, because apparently that’s the only spot where the signal doesn’t play hide-and-seek. My neighbors probably think I’m conducting a séance, but nope—just trying to watch The Office in peace.

And don’t get me started on the password. It’s 17 characters of nonsense I wrote down three years ago, and now I’m too scared to change it because the router might take revenge. So here I am, a modern-day warrior, battling the betrayal of a device that’s supposed to connect me to the world but instead leaves me screaming, “WHY, TECHNOLOGY, WHY?” into the void. Send help—or better Wi-Fi😂